Life and death

I've decided that I don't believe in death.

Hundreds of my cells "die" each day, yet I do not die.

Could it be that we are just "cells" of a more complex system?

Emotional and physical scars

Many folks today are under the impression that once a past emotional injury has healed that it can no longer pain you. And that if you do experience pain over past hurts then you have obviously not allowed that to heal.

I've been thinking about this lately and I have decided that I flat do not believe it.

I severely injured my wrist many years ago, left quite a scar. It has completely and fully healed. I've even regained the feeling in my fingers that doctors said I might not. But sometimes when I lift something or otherwise stress that wrist, it will hurt like hell. I believe that emotional scars are much the same way.

My childhood wasn't -- by far -- the worst, but there are a number of emotional scars back there. I believe that I've made peace with my past, and that those hurts have healed. Still, under the right conditions they do cause me pain.

Folks expect me to behave as though the pain doesn't exist. But I can assure you that if you come up and stick your thumb in the scar on my wrist I'm going to yelp and probably try to slug you. I don't know why I would react any differently to folks shoving their thumbs in my emotional scars.

Gambling and the lottery

Some folks we know will be put off to find that we occasionally play the lottery.

Why? Because they believe that gambling is wrong.

But most of those people have health insurance.

So which is worse? Gambling that something bad is going to happen? Or gambling that something good will happen?

At least when I lose my gamble the money goes for a good purpose, helping public schools. When they lose their gamble the money just goes to make rich people richer.

Boots

Boots
These boots were made for walkin'.
Originally uploaded by Nick David Wright

I purchased this pair of Doc Martin's boots in March 2007.

I have worn the heck out of them. I finally got around to replacing them this past week.

I don't know that I've ever had a pair of shoes to last three years before. Especially taking into account what I put shoes through.

I really wanted to get another pair just like these, but there was one thing stopping me. Waterproofing.

These weren't. And when they got wet, my feet got soaked. And I got miserable.

I had picked out a pair of shoes. I wore them one night on the job at the college and I took them back the next morning. They just hurt my feet.

When I took the others back, I found some more boots on an isle I had missed the day before. I liked the look of them, then I saw the magic label "waterproof."

I tried them on, and that was that. They are a pair of Skechers, sorry don't know which model.

They are some of the most comfortable boots I've ever worn.

And with all the snow we've gotten today, I am definitely loving the waterproofing.

Fear

When I was growing up, it was said that the only thing to fear is fear itself.

But recently I have heard and read multiple comments stating that it is okay to be afraid, that it is healthy and normal.

I vehemently reject this idea.

It is not normal and healthy to be afraid.

While I was thinking about this subject, a recent experience came to memory.

When I was installing the wood stove in our house in Kansas I had to make multiple trips to the roof. I’ve never been fond of ladders, especially using them to get on and off roofs.

I had gone up and down several times that day, each time negotiating the gap between ladder and roof with much trepidation. It was taking me longer to get up and down the thing than the work I needed to do.

Finally at one point a lightbulb went on and I said “What am I doing?”

I realized that there was absolutely no point in being afraid. I realized that if I fell that there would be little I could do about it, it was either going to happen or not. And I realized that fretting about it might actually cause it to occur.

It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. From that time on I scampered up and down that ladder like a squirrel.

And I have not been afraid of anything — and I really mean anything — since.

That is not to say that I have been inconsiderate of the consequences of my actions or of events surrounding me. But I am no longer afraid of anything that might happen. It will happen or not regardless of my emotional state. And should something bad ever occur, being afraid will certainly not help matters and could very well make them worse.

The Fisherman

One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. “You aren’t going to catch many fish that way,” said the businessman to the fisherman. “You should be working rather than lying on the beach!”

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “And what will my reward be?” “Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!” was the businessman’s answer. “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, “You will make money and you’ll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!” “And then what will my reward be?” asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman’s questions. “You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!” he said.

“And then what will my reward be?” repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!” Once again the fisherman asked, “And then what will my reward be?” The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, “Don’t you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”

~author unknown

Heroes

I was captivated last January when a commercial airline pilot managed to safely land an incapacitated jet in the Hudson river saving every single life on board. Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger became an instant sensation. The news media was all over him. And he is very reluctant to use the label they've bestowed upon him ... hero.

I recently read his book, "Highest Duty: My Search for What Really Matters," in which he wrote about his experiences as a pilot, in particular the day he ended up in the river. He demurs from the title of hero saying heroes are the people who see a burning building and choose to risk their lives in order to save others. He says that he was just doing his job. But he fails to see that he made his choice when he sat down behind the controls of that aircraft and put the fate of more than 150 people in his hands.

The story of Captain Sully stirs strong emotions in me and many others. And it isn't hard to figure out why. We live in a world where we are constantly barraged by the news media. And the news media apparently thinks that the great majority of the news we need to know is bad news.

Wars, murder, crime, corruption, greed, accidents.

It is depressing.

We need good news. But good news doesn't sell as many papers. Good news doesn't pull in the viewers. Good news doesn't win pulitzers. At least, so the popular thinking goes.

And we need heroes. In these bleak times we need to hear about them. We need to know that there are still people out there doing extraordinary things for the benefit of others.

Captain Sully does not want to be known as a hero. What hero does? But I think we can find at least 150 folks that disagree with him.

How fundamentalism sabotaged my life

I recently picked up the book "I'm Perfect, You're Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing," by Kyria Abrahams, from the library.

It's a story about a girl growing up as a Jehovah's Witness, later to be "disfellowshipped." I'm not particularly interested in reading about JWs but a snippet from the cover jacket caught my eye ...

"... explores the ironic absurdity of growing up believing that nothing matters because everything's about to be destroyed."

And that resonated with me, because that's pretty much what I grew up believing.

I wasn't taken to particularly extreme churches as a child, but the groundwork was laid. And when I found myself cast out of my mother's house after turning 18, newly married and out in the real world on my own for the first time in my life, that early conditioning took control.

I never finished high school. I was failed my senior year for handing out "Chick tracts," and I didn't go back. College was out of the question because the rapture would happen any minute, why waste time in class when I could be out "winning souls." Not that -- to my knowledge -- I ever actually won any souls. Funny how constantly arguing with people about how wrong they are tends to turn them away.

Eventually I realized how insane I was being and quit. Quit everything to do with Christianity. In fact, I declared myself pagan. But by that time the damage was done. I was too busy earning a living to go back to school. I'd found myself a career that I was good at that didn't require schooling (photojournalism) and I coasted on that for nearly 10 years.

Now here I am 31 years old, working on finishing that high school diploma and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. One thing I will be doing ... living.

Exclusion

Christianity today is a religion of exclusion, i.e. what we don’t do, who we exclude.

But reading the words of Christ it seems to me that he intended to create a faith of people who were inclusive. He said “Love one another,” and he lived it while hanging out with the “dregs” of society.

Christ came not to condemn (John 3:17) and told us frankly not to judge (Matthew 7:1), and yet Sunday after Sunday so-called men of God thunder messages of condemnation and judgement from their pulpits.

I think it is very important to note that Christ’s only recorded words of condemnation were aimed squarely at the religious leadership.

How have we as followers of this man fallen so far from the ideals that he taught?

I was impressed by a monologue found at the end of the movie “Chocolat;”

“I think that we can’t go around measuring our goodness by what we don’t do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we’ve got to measure goodness by what we create and who we include.”

Faith and fundamentalism

The early years of my adulthood were consumed by fundamentalist Christianity.

I eventually ended up quitting the religion and becoming pagan.

The funny thing was, I spent just as much time arguing with people as a pagan as I had as a Christian. And I had just exactly the same results; nobody listened, it just pissed everyone off. (Debate rule number one: You will never convince someone who doesn't already want to be convinced.) I had in essence made myself into a pagan fundamentalist.

It took a few years -- okay several years -- but eventually I realized that it wasn't the faith that I had a problem with, it was the fundamentalism. In other words, it was the "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude that has infected every religion to one extent or another. You could even argue that this attitude has infected nearly every aspect of life (Ever meet anyone devoted to a particular brand of product? Yes, I'm guilty of that as well ... Made on a Mac).

I recently saw the movie "Religulous," by Bill Maher, and he makes many good points. But I see two problems, both of which are implied by this quote from the movie:

"Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do." - Bill Maher

The first problem I see is that he is making the same mistake that I did, Maher has become a fundamentalist of his own point of view. He goes to length to explain that his philosophy is of the "I don't know" variety. But there is apparently one thing that he does know: People of faith are wrong.

Which leads into the second problem, which isn't a problem with the movie so much as it is with those people of faith. The Bible says in the book of Hebrews that faith is the evidence of things not seen, the substance of things hoped for.

But modern people of faith seem to have forgotten this in their rush to declare that they "know." And just "knowing" a thing isn't so bad either. The problems begin when a person that "knows" something finds out that other people don't necessarily "know" the same thing, and in fact some of these other people might even "know" something entirely different.

Faith is really not the problem, what people "know" is.

Bill Maher "knows" that people of faith are wrong and made an entire movie dedicated to proving his point and making those people look like fools. And what are the results? People who agree with Maher will get to sit back and chuckle at the comedian's cleverness, and people of faith will be insulted and not hear a word of the message that Maher was trying to convey. A message that I believe, despite it's poor presentation, is very important. A message that I believe Maher himself has missed entirely.

The message being that people should be free to believe whatever they like. And until we all realize this and quit trying to force everyone to believe like we do ... we will never have peace.

Hairy guys

For the longest time now popular culture has had it in for hairy guys.

Any time we've seen men in movies or magazines or on the television, their torsos, legs and arms have been completely and utterly devoid of hair. Unless, of course, they're being portrayed in a negative way.

So color me very surprised while watching a recent episode of Heroes on Hulu to see an attractive woman running her fingers through one of the lead character's very hairy chest.

Granted said character is evil, but still. He is portrayed as an attractive person.

So does this signal a change of tide in public opinion?

Instead of slick skin will we soon be seeing men with fuzzy figures in ads?

Speaking as a hairy guy, I say it's about time.

The absurdity of the necktie

My grandfather thinks that whoever invented the necktie should have been hanged with the first one. And I am inclined to agree.

Before hanging the poor fellow though, I would have sure wanted to know what was going through his mind. Because as far as I can tell, a necktie serves no purpose whatsoever.

It is a leftover strip of fabric that you tie in a knot around your neck then let the ends dangle down the front of your shirt. What is the point?

And even more bizarre to me than the fashion itself, is how in the world it came to be regarded as essential to professional attire?

I just don't get it.

Scientific reductionism

If I went in to an auto parts store and came out with only a steering wheel and announced that I was going to drive somewhere you'd think that I had gone insane. Obviously, you need much more than just a steering wheel in order to go places.

Yet that is exactly how scientists treat food. They see that folks who eat food X have less disease Y. Upon examining the food and discovering it has high levels of nutrient Z, they'll announce that taking a supplement of nutrient Z will lower a person's risk of disease Y.

But they are making two grave errors. First they are ignoring the fact that food X is not just nutrient Z, it is a whole host of other things that work together to make food X what it is. Secondly, they are assuming that they know everything there is to know about what makes up food in the first place. And if you take a look at the history of nutrition science you'll see how often scientists find new players in the game of food.

Scientific reductionism, as the practice is known, may make sense in certain circumstances. But it leads to sloppy decisions regarding a subject much too important to be playing chemistry with ... our food.

For more information see Michael Pollan's book "In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto."

Black Friday report

My Beloved's sister wanted to be in line at the Toys R Us in order to get some kind of robotic rodent that is all the rage this year. I had never taken part in the Black Friday madness so I wanted to see what it was all about.

The sale started at midnight, we got there about 20 till. There was 500-1,000 folks out standing in the 30 degree weather. There were no parking spots nearby, we finally found one about three-quarters of a mile away and sat in the car to watch.

Twice sitting in that parking lot we were almost hit by crazies driving like mad. So we left.

We stopped in at the WalMart to pick up a few items. Their Black Friday sale starts at 5 a.m. There were only a handful of folks there, mostly gathered waiting in the electronics section.

I turned the corner in the grocery and found an older man sitting on the floor. Took me by surprise until I saw the sign he was sitting next to stating that that was the start of the line for the 46-inch televisions.

Well, I was curious to see what it was all about, and now I've seen plenty.

A tale of two farms

The area in which we live has a large and growing population of Amish folk.

There is one bus route that I often drive which passes through their settlement.

And the difference between an Amish farm and a modern farm is very stark.

The Amish farms appear to be full of life, even now in the dead of winter. There are people out doing things, children playing in the yard. Animals out in pastures. Even some crops still in the fields.

The modern farm consists of acres and acres of flat, bare dirt.

The route that I drive goes through the Amish farms and I see all that is going on there, and then I drive past the modern farm and I see nothing but miles and miles of bare dirt.

Giving Without Expectations

DailyOM - Giving Without Expectations: "Though our intention is likely pure, we can unintentionally mar the beautiful experience of giving by focusing on what we will eventually receive in return."

A very good article about giving with a true heart.

Video rentals

I am so sick of renting DVDs right now.

If I go to our local video store, a Family Video, I can almost be assured of not seeing some part of the movie I want because it skips.

I've been going mostly to the RedBox. But last night's flick skipped quite a bit on me as well.

Back in Kansas, I had been renting movies from the iTunes store and downloading them. I know for a fact that the movie is not going to skip.

But there are a few drawbacks. One is that often iTunes for whatever reason cannot offer a new release for rent on its release date. You can purchase the movie, but not rent it. Second is that it takes a while to download.

That second issue wasn't a problem back in Kansas when I worked at the library. I'd go in early set up the laptop, rent what I wanted and let it download while I cleaned. And when I was ready to go home the movie would be finished. But we don't have internet at the house right now, and the connection at our local library is quite a bit slower than the one back in Kansas.

So I got a bright idea. Why don't rental stores offer an electronic rental like iTunes does? The next big thing in movies is supposed to be BluRay, but I think we should ditch optical media altogether and start renting movies out on SD cards.

Or perhaps even better would be to offer download stations at the store. A customer brings in their flash drive sticks it into the slot and their selection is transferred.

I don't know. I'm just sick of missing chunks of my movies because folks don't seem to know how to handle DVDs anymore.

What a family

I saw this family in WalMart the other night.

Mom had on a shirt that said: "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing to one side.

Older brother had a shirt that read: "Coupon good for one bad attitude" and it was surrounded with a dashed line to make it look like a clipable coupon.

And little brother had on a shirt that proclaimed: "Your village called, they want their idiot back."

And I just have to wonder what kind of family all have t-shirts like that? Are they really fun to be around? Or are they total assholes?

Butterfly chops

So we have butterfly chops for sale at WalMart.

They must have to butcher a thousand butterflies to get a pound of meat though.

I wonder how they skin those little fellas.

Intriguing possibilities

So I've spent a little bit of the day browsing online ads for apartments and such. And I find that living here may not be as far-fetched an idea as I originally thought.

We would have to earn quite a bit more money than we currently do. But there are more opportunities to do just that in the big city. And while some things would be quite a bit more expensive, other things would be less so. Such as being able to bicycle or take public transit anywhere we needed to go.

The ability to move around as we pleased was one of the goals of many of the major life changes we've been making over the last several months. We're not exactly to that point yet, but we're awful close. So moving to the metro would not be an option for a while yet, at least we have some things to think about.